I don\’t know how many times it happens in a lifetime, or even if it happens more than once or even once at all for everyone.
But, in the midst of the change and tears and fears and doubts and anger and stubbornness and discontentment and the hard over the last almost three months here, something happened.
For the longest I couldn\’t see it. I was too busy sulking in my selfish desire for what was and what will be that I didn\’t even realize that all the things I had prayed for were actually coming to pass here in the now.
I think part of the reason that this beautiful transformation escaped my sight was because it hasn\’t looked like I imagined it would when I prayed.
What I mean is, in my prayers it looked easy.
When I asked God to change me, to make me like Him, to bring me to the place where He wanted me, I pictured peace and ease. Isn\’t that what Jesus said, \”My yoke is easy and my burden is light\”?
I wanted the end product without the process. And in the process I have found that there is no such thing.
Today, I hold in my arms a tiny, big piece of that dream. Her name is Raegan Piper Grey and she is more perfect than I could ever have dreamed.
And I think back at the process of bringing her into this world with the nausea and the sleeplessness and the
tired exhaustion and the aches and pains and emotions and fears and longing for family to walk this with me but knowing they were thousands of miles away.
And I realize it\’s in the process that we find God is true to His promises.
The past three months have been a roller coaster of emotions as we walk this dream of a journey that God placed in our hearts over five years ago now.
Now as I look back at the process that brought us here, I bow my head and lift my hands in awe that the Creator God would count us worthy of this calling. Would take the time to work out in our lives a beautiful masterpiece of His will and, what\’s more, He would care enough to make it hard.
If it were easy, we would never see Him.
But just as gold is refined in the fire and diamonds are made by pressure, we are made more like Him as we engage in what is uncomfortable and trying and even downright painful at times. It\’s in that process that not only are dreams given, but they are made into reality as we walk by faith, trusting His pathway though we can\’t see the next step.
This time last year I remember sharing with so many the desire of our heart to have another baby, to be in Brazil, to begin the process of getting permanent residency so we could work freely with the beautiful people God has given us a burning passion for. Back then it seemed so distant if not an impossible goal.
I sit here now, in Brazil with our baby girl as Richard is driving to register her birth so that we can begin our permanent residency process and my heart rejoices for the journey that we have been on and I humbly ask Him to continue to make us more like Him.
Even when it isn\’t easy.
\”Consider it a great joy, my brothers, whenever you experience various trials,<sup class="crossreference" value="(F)\”> knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. But endurance must do its complete work, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing.\” James 1.2-4