If you find yourself encouraged, follow my new blog at www.streamsandthorns.com for more posts like this one.
I found this entry the other day while randomly flipping through an old journal:
“January 2, 2013
Today, sort of in passing and sort of without even realizing it, I prayed a prayer.
‘Do something great through me… No matter what it takes.’
I meant it when I prayed it, but my next thought was: ‘Uh-oh.’”
Dear Ashley from almost two years ago: that next thought was very appropriate.
You see we used to have the “ideal” family. I\’ll never forget when I was pregnant the second time and we found out we were having a girl and how perfect that was for us. We had our boy and now our girl to complete the balance. Two little picture-perfect blonde haired, blue-eyed beauties.
We always talked about bringing another child into the family down the road. Maybe adopt from Africa or Asia, a newborn who needed a home. We could do that in a few years, no problem.
I did not anticipate that later that same year we would move to a little town called Benjamin Constant and that shortly thereafter, when Raegan was just 4 months old, we would meet a little brown-eyed girl that would rewrite everything we knew about parenthood and ourselves. I will never forget the night I laid there in bed and told Richard I felt like we should pray about adopting her.
I had no idea–not the slightest clue–what I was praying for.
I remember discussing the challenges we knew we would face. The language barrier, the physical and mental delays, the criticism from the locals; we knew it would be difficult.
Those things now seem like child\’s play.
When you hear people talk about adoption, you hear about how beautiful it is, this Gospel picture. I say it myself. The idea of redeeming a child from pain and suffering and hopelessness is undeniably inviting. To be a part of bringing hope and life to a child is one of our callings as followers of Christ. Beautiful indeed.
What we do not hear a whole lot about, however, is the ugly side.
Without tragedy, there is no need for adoption. If something were not broken, there would be no need to fix it.
If it were not for the fact that something went terribly wrong, adoption would not be necessary. Be it death or abuse or abandonment, intentional or otherwise, there is a tragic reason this child is in need of a different family from the one that shares the same bloodline and facial features. There is a broken past with every single adopted child out there and it leaves a mark. Sometimes that mark is a faded scar that is barely noticeable to the untrained eye.
Other times, it is a gaping flesh wound that needs constant attention and care.
God chose to give us the latter.
And it has been ugly.
Because nothing prepares you for having to hold down that sought after child as she kicks and screams, “I want to go back to the street!!” And all because you are doing what no one else in her life ever has: you are loving her.
I will never forget googling “What if I don’t like my adopted daughter” and the relief I felt when articles actually popped up, announcing that these feeling of mine are actually common.
In August, she completed one year in our home—and the single hardest year of our life. I look back at the child who stepped into our home that Friday night. Her scalp was so full of infection that the doctors prescribed four different medications to heal it. Her teeth were little pieces of black and brown bone jutting from her infected gums. Her hair was brittle and orange in color from lack of nutrition. Her eyes were wild, pupils enlarged as she tried to understand what was happening, her body conditioned to remain in a constant state of fight or flight. She carried her small backpack full of dirty, hole-ridden clothing that a person would not even consider donating to Goodwill.
This isn’t what it should look like, a family bringing in another. It should be that her biological mother tucks her in at night, along with her 7 biological siblings, assuring them of love and care. They should laugh together and go on outings together and she should know the love of a family with siblings and parents that look like her, speak like her. She should know the value of discipline and should be taught consequence.
But we live in a fallen world where parents leave their own to roam the streets because they never knew any different themselves.
So our life as we knew it was destroyed that day. It was destroyed for the sake of redeeming this one. But we never knew what that would entail.
It has been painful.
No adoption is pain free. I am not referring to the hours spent at the courthouse or the paperwork that seems insurmountable. I do not mean the waiting game of home visits and Psychologist appointments.
Those are the easy parts, my friends.
The hard part is loving. And that is the part I never anticipated.
Shortly after our daughter moved in, the giddiness of having a new child wore off. It was like having a newborn to care for except that this newborn had been in survival mode for six and half years and thought she had a better idea than you of what she needed. The lies began and the manipulation commenced and suddenly, after just three months of having what now felt like a stranger in our home, we began to recoil.
“What have we done?” I would ask myself, remembering our “perfect” family of four.
I would scroll through my Facebook newsfeed and the pictures of perfect families would dance across my screen, almost taunting me. I would close the app feeling guilt, regret, confusion. Pain.
I often say if we had known what we were getting into before we got into it, we wouldn’t have gotten into it. And I know that is exactly why God does not often reveal His plans for us, because we would run away in fear of the trials that lie before us, not valuing the refining process that makes us a just a little more like Him.
Yesterday I looked at her as she sat across the table from me, unaware of my thoughts. Her hair is dark brown now and shines in the light. Her teeth, bright white and clean. We have had to buy her new shoes three times this year as her body catches up to the size it should be for her age. She is able to read now, something we had all but given up hope on as she didn’t know the difference between a letter and a number this time last year.
She is beautiful on the outside—a whitewashed wall.
Because you don’t raise yourself on the street for six and a half years with no consequence. So the lies and manipulation and disobedience flow so naturally to her that at times she doesn’t even perceive it. She resists our love. She has yet to grasp the fact that she no longer has to protect herself; she is safe here. So she hides behind the walls she built so long ago of self-preservation and self-focus and replaces each brick as we attempt to take them down.
There is a common perception out there that implies that adoption, because it is a concept based on the Gospel and because it is redeeming a child from their orphan status, is simple. Of course, we may be quick to admit that the process is complicated. The attorney and the judge and the biological parents or the orphanage and the paperwork and the waiting and the waiting and the waiting… that part is hard, but then—THEN—it’s smooth sailing.
“All we need is love.” Right?
Adoption is far from simple.
I see heart-warming adoption quotes on social media all the time, especially in this month of November that is National Adoption Awareness Month. In fact, not long ago I stumbled across my own “Adoption” board on my Pinterest that coincidentally I created about the same time that journal entry was written and couldn’t help but laugh out loud and what my picture of adoption looked like back then. Back before the long nights and tears and confusion and calling out to God.
Because once the Facebook pictures are posted and the excitement dies down over this new addition, you find yourself face to face alone with a reality that you did not stop to consider before:
Yes, the Gospel is a picture of adoption into the family of Christ. And the Gospel includes immense amounts of suffering. Without death, there is no redemption. Without pain, there is no joy in victory.
Over a year has passed now and mostly we are thankful that we have survived. In the beginning, all day, every day was consumed with teaching truth and consequence, faith and repentance, and trying to discern the truth from the lies. And now most days are still that way but they have become graciously spaced out to where sometimes we actually feel like a functioning family of five on some level or another.
Grace from Heaven.
Why do I say all this? Not for a pity party, I assure you. We are taught to rejoice in our sufferings because it is through them that we are formed more into the image of our Savior.
I say it, believe it or not, as an encouragement. I have read several blog posts and books this past year and the ones that encouraged me most were the ones that said something to this effect, ‘This adoption thing? It’s hard. You are going to fail at times. You are going to cry and ask ‘why?’, possibly often. You are going to feel overwhelmed. And guess what: sometimes you are going to struggle to love. But it is ok because you, on your own, can’t love anyway. It is impossible. But the good news is that through Christ, you can love unconditionally and without reciprocation. Hang in there. His mercy is new every day. And His grace is sufficient.’
So to my fellow adoptive parents, who find themselves overwhelmed and overcome and cringe when they see the idealized photos of adoption: do not give up. God has a purpose for this child and part of it is to refine you and teach you what unconditional love really looks like—messy. Another part—maybe the biggest—is to give you the slightest glimpse of the pain that Christ went through and the miracle it is that He can love us as He does. Oh, the miracle.
To those in the adoption process, do not let this discourage you, but also don’t write me off. There is a certain naivety in every new adoption. I know, I have been there and I believe that is also God’s grace measured out to us. Often God keeps us blinded to the realities of the trials we will face in order to grow our faith. It is necessary. “Oh, but you adopted an older child/out of birth order/foreign speaker. I’m adopting a newborn/young child/English speaker,” you may say. Irrelevant my friends. I know personal stories of children adopted from birth that have immense struggles. So listen to those who have gone before and prepare your hearts. Pray for God to prepare you in ways that you do not even realize that you need to be prepared.Pray for faith and endurance. Pray for peace and hope. You will need all of these as you embark on this journey.
For those who are reading this and have had a “smooth” attachment to your adopted child, hold your judgment. Instead of casting stones, throw up some prayers for those who adopted the more severely injured, those struggling to love, and those who dread another day. Be careful not to become self-righteous because your experience looks different. Rejoice that God chose to give you a child with less baggage in tow.
This adoption thing is ugly. It takes time for broken things to mend. It takes time for wounds to heal.
But you know what’s amazing about it all?
He gives beauty for ashes. And that, my friends, is beautiful indeed.
{UPDATE: You can read my follow up blog The Ugly Side of Me}
S T R E A M S + T H O R N S 
May the Lord richly bless you for all you are doing in this little ones life. I pray she is filled with His Balm and can REALIZE what is really truth now [soon], so ALL can be healed of these spiritually battled times.
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This is beautifully written and so close and dear to my heart. Let us stop romanticizing adoption and tell the true, hard, real, beautiful tragedy that it is! We adopted 6, some with just abrasions but a couple with gaping wounds. Thank you from 5kids6months.blogspot.com
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Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!Going through all of that still with one of my four adopted children, more than seven years after she entered our family. Been through it with her brother before and after I thought I could not take it any more, God came through in the most beautiful way and totally unexpected ( I was privileged to experience something like the story of the prodigal son). Many of your words I could have written!
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Thank you so much for this post, I was praying just the other day for God to help me with this unconditional love. I feel so close to giving up, like you said, I am one of those who wake up dreading another day. It has been 5 years and I keep praying that we can finish well. Some days it is just so hard, but posts like this are so well-timed, thank you.
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Amen! Amen! And again I say Amen!Mom of 8, 2 homemade & 6 Storebought Special needs older. What if your Blessings come through your tears? Laura's Story
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All the Yes's and Amen's in the world!! Living it alongside you girl. Praying for you family. Please pray for mine.
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Thank you for this perfectly worded post. I struggle daily to love one of my adopted kids. Only by the grace of God have we made it this far. All that you've said is true. Thank you.
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I have been on both sides of the adoption roller coaster. The first child was so easy going, she didn't require any real effort on our part. I like to say God used her to sucker us into our second adoption. I knew it would not be smooth, and overall we were given a pretty happy child. But we have had to deal with destructiveness, lies, and not having any sense of herself or her own worth. The first year was really hard, because I never had any special parenting skills… It was all learn as you go. Thankfully, six years later, she has calmed down and will now be truthful (as truthful as a 10 year old can be.) I know a little of what you speak… And my prayers are with you. I hope you have some friends who understand, and can give you encouragement. It helped me tremendously as I learned that it was not the end of my world as I knew it, but the beginning of my walk with God as He intended.
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Yes. Yes. Yes. Rowing my boat along side you, my sister. And bailing out as much water as coming in. There are more of 'us' out there in our struggles, and our honesty keeps us from the darkness of it all. Let your light shine, Momma!
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Wow! I hesitated to post this because I was afraid of criticism. God gave me the faith to post it and I'm so glad I did! How amazing is He to give us others who can suffer along side of us for His glory? Is there some sort of forum or community for adoptive parents who face these difficulties? If there isn't, there should be. It's clear there are many of us. Thank you all for your kind words. My prayers are for each of us to find peace in His goodness and grace for each new day. This ain't no joke, y'all. Would love to connect with more of you. E-mail me at a.k.whittemore@gmail.com if you are interested in bouncing ideas, thoughts, encouragement, a listening ear.
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Thanks for this. I was just telling a friend about the time it took the love for my little ones to change from the love of any child to the love of MY child. Each of them has their own timeline and their own issues. I would do it again, but I am definitely glad to hear that others have sailed rough seas and that I'm not alone.
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Oh, I am so grateful you posted this. We also brought our two adopted kiddos home when they were six 1/2, and they both have very difficult attachment needs. I've spent the last two years writing about the same feelings and struggles you've expressed so well here. Bless you…I'm praying for you tonight…and I just noticed your question above about a community for adoptive parents struggling through these same things, so I'm emailing you, too. 🙂
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loving and raising my adoption children has been the easy part….. dealing with a broken system, a system without God was and still is the most difficult, live changing, painful part.. If you live in a state where the system and foster/adoptive parents work together please count your blessings.. the child that is hurt needs you!!!!
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Adoption comes from brokenness, but it can bring healing. I am a little worried about you and your child based on this post. I am so glad she is healthy and physically safe with you, but it sounds like you both need some extra support, which may be very difficult to obtain while on the mission field. Please don't view her behavior from a sinner/saint, good/evil perspective. Understand that she may look like a six or seven year old, she may even be very bright, but in terms of emotional and behavioral development she may only be one or two years old (if that much), and she needs you to meet her where she is developmentally and base your expectations on that, not on her age and intelligence. Whether from trauma or innate biology, she likely has similar needs to a special needs child now, no matter how bright and capable she seems (and to have survived her past she likely had to be very bright). Everything your children learned easily about communication, behaviors and relationships, she will have to be taught, one baby step at a time. Please be gentle with her and with yourself. Are you familiar with Reactive Attachment disorder? After the trauma she has been through it may be an issue. Floortime therapy (a kind of play therapy to boost child development, designed to be done by parents) may really help–the book \”The Child With Special Needs\” by Stanley Greenspan explains how to get started. I also highly recommend the book \”Transforming the Difficult Child:The Nurtured Heart Approach\” by Howard Glasser and \”The Explosive Child\” by Ross Greene. My special needs child was born into my arms and I had time to form a strong bond with him before I started struggling with his behavior. You have to do the hard work of forming an attachment while also dealing with her behaviors and needs. I don't know anything about you except this blog post, but I believe in the healing power of relationships. You wanted to help a child, you didn't sign up to become an expert in things like child development, attachment, behaviorism and mental health… but they are part of your life now and can help you a lot. http://www.livesinthebalance.org has some resources that may help with day to day discipline and communication. This link has some good ideas but assumes a level of communication skill your child may not have yet….. http://sponderworks.com/encouraging-thinking-and-cooperation-reducing-oppositional-behavior/There is lots of support out there, keep looking for it. It may shake up or contradict the \”conventional wisdom\” you learned about raising kids, but it will benefit your whole family. I wish you the best as you love, live and learn on this journey. Blessings.
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I want to thank you for writing this and for fighting the good fight for your daughter. I cannot believe someone wrote what I feel. We adopted our daughter from an abuse and neglect situation at 6-1/2 years old and she is 15 now. To say that life has been turned upside down is an understatement. We have two biological sons as well. We are just at the point where we can start to see some light at the end of the tunnel and that is because we have had to make some hard decisions. She is in a school for troubled girls right now living apart from us.It is so sad to see what some people have done to their children and it makes me angry sometimes that we are left to pick up the pieces. Like you said, if we knew, we would not have gone down this road and God knows that. At the end of the day, His plan is perfect and he makes no mistakes. That is what I cling to. God bless you and your family. We are still in the \”scary\” stage but I am trusting my God with the outcome..Blessings,Patti
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Still in the trenches if this myself and it's been 2 1/2 years home with our 6 year old. I dont think they ever forget the hopeless feeling and the need to stretch the truth to feel protected…..prayers to you my friend.
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Five and a half years into the RAD adoption myself. Still struggling frequently with the manipulation and full-on tantrums. I've googled \”I don't like my daughter,\” had enormous sympathy for the family that returned their adopted son, wondered if I made the biggest mistake of both of our lives. But I'm finally seeing some growth. I treasure those days when we can laugh together and be a family. And after those horrible days where we both hate each other, we wake up the next morning ready to try again.
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Beautiful. I want to write so much more, but I just have \”beautiful\”. Your family's trials are our family's trials. God bless you for writing.
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Adoption is a journey filled with mountains and valleys. Our family (3 children) wanted to 'make a difference' in our community. We chose fostering, with the option to adopt. Over the course of several years, God place the desire to adopt in our hearts. Just as we have been 'adopted' into God's family, we were blessed to adopt 7. The road has been filled with mountain top experiences as well as deep valleys. Through it all, God has been faithful. It has not always been easy, but God's grace has been our comfort during the challenges we face. I truly understand the struggles along the way. \”It's not an easy road we are traveling together, and many are the thorns on the way. It's not an easy road, but the Savior is with us, and lightens every path on the way. No, no, it's not an easy road. No, no, it's not an easy road. But Jesus walks beside us and brightens the journey, and lightens every heavy load.\” God bless you as you travel this road. Be comforted to know that others walk this road beside you.
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So sorry I didn't proofread that first comment well enough.To say \”Let's stop romanticizing adoption\” is like saying, \”Let's stop romanticizing marriage.\” But, I fear that it is a lot more likely to happen, leaving children who have experience great pain, alone in it because potential parents are afraid.Anyone who knows our family, understands that we know the \”hard side\” to say the least. However, we also know the bliss of falling in love with a ten year old, and later a five year old, who fit into our family as though they were born into it. Adopting these boys could not have been easier and raising them no harder than raising our very easy biological children.The new emphasis on how hard adoption is, and how \”troubled\” and \”issue-laden\” adopted children are is making me feel I have to step out in defense of the many, many adopted children who were blessed with the resilience to move through the pain in their lives to become easily loved members of their adoptive families.
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Thank you for your honesty. My husband and I adopted a 5 year old and wasn't given any help with what might come up. He left 6 months later, and I had 2 children to raise alone. Not easy in any circumstance but extremely hard when one was adopted with many issues. I keep praying that she will turn her life around but it is difficult. She is now 40 and living a life completely opposite of how I tried to raise her. I will pray for you and others who face the ugly part of adoption.
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I'm reading this in tears as we are 7 months home with our son who is almost three. So many days I've wondered why the heck God thought we could do this, resented him for the chaos he brought to our previously perfect family of two kids and felt so guilty when I didn't like him. We are starting to see the beautiful side of redemption but I can identity so much with what you wrote, which is so hard to explain in words. Thank you for this.
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I know what you mean but i think we have both sides to consider. Adopted children can be as easy or hard as Abby bio kid. They can have as many or as few challenges. But we, as a family who has adopted 7, have seen how others romanticized our family without realizing the level of support we need to get through a week much less life. How these amazing over comers we are privileged to parent are not without scars just because they have a home and 3 square meals a day. So many adoption disruptions happen because we have that romantic ideal that is just not the case for most hurting children. If we dispel at least some of that myth perhaps more adoptive families would have a greater chance at thriving.www.seedsofhope-matt1720.blogspot.com
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Thank you for writing this. We adopted two little girls 5/6 and have been home about a year. Our transition has been very smooth, but I still found myself googling, \”What if I don't like my adopted daughter.\” And, YES!! The thoughts of, \”What have we done? We've ruined our perfect family!\” STILL wander thru my mind, although much less frequently. Mothering is hard. Again, thank you. It's very good to know that I'm not alone.
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Yes, yes, yes. Thank you for posting, from another adoptive mother to 3 from foster care, including a teen. I'm a huge adoption advocate but I hate the candy-coating it often gets.
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I have to say this is beautifully worded. As a grown adult that was abused myself, I worked through my pain and suffering by helping other abused kids for 14 years. I offered them unconditional love as they fought me verbally and physically (I have many scars where I defended myself as they put up more bricks as I tried tearing down their walls of self-protection.) Each child that has suffered does need to learn to feel safe and loved and yes it is hard. Thank you for your encouragement to those adoptive parents that are willing to take in these children that were born perfect yet their souls were destroyed and need mending through Christ's love.
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Thank you. I believe that everyone deserves to be loved unconditionally because He has loved me unconditionally but I have walked out of my house and into my garage and told God, \”I can't do this anymore. You are going to have to get someone else to love him.\”After particularly bad days/nights I find myself participating in the \”If only's\” If only I had a deeper prayer life, if only I was in the Word more, etc. because it is so hard to come face to face with the reality that I cannot love him as well as I should.Yet he is ours and we are his so we keep on.Your blog helped.
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So very well written! We have adopted two boys who have gaping \”flesh wounds\” one of them we are no longer able to parent. This is Not what we had in mind when we thought adoption!
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Living this. 5 years in… so very true.
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Amen…been there on so many different levels with our 4 adoptive children…would love to know if there was a group of support for our growing families…a struggling journey we are given grace to deal with day by day and looking back we make progress but there is so much to learn and do yet and I am 12 years+ into this journey…
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You are brave… and you are right! Thank you for speaking truth!
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I just want to say thank you. Thank you for your honesty, your sincerity, for sharing your heart. I can't even begin to express how encouraging this was to me. Thank you for helping me feel a little less alone as I struggle to love and care for my son.
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Yes, yes, yes. I do not know you, but I am standing right here with you, sister. The beautiful and the broken all tangled up together. Always.
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Thank you for sharing this hard truth… our adoption ended after a year of struggling to survive the anger with other tiny children in the house and our social worker warning us to give our adopted child up… that is what finally happened. Feels like a complete failure and a death caused by my own shortcomings, but I appreciate you posting how hard it is… because we feel for your struggle and I am praying for you and your little one in tears as I type…
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Thank you for this… \”not the end of my world as I knew it, but the beginning of my walk with God as He intended.
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Your words are so powerful, so true, so Spirit filled. Thank you.
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Thank you! Sometimes it is so hard but others are such a blessing! Nice to know we aren't alone in the way things seem to be going. We just adopted a sibling set of three making us a family of six.
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Check out http://hopeathomeblog.blogspot.com/This is a great blog for adoptive families. This lady has raised adopted children to adulthood. SHe has had a long and sometimes difficult road. Her help is in the Lord.
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Thirteen years down the road and the lies, manipulations etc are still happening. Drives me crazy some days. But you are not responsible for anything more than your part. Hang in there. Many of my kids that are now adults are doing well and have since thanked me for sticking with them and apologized for their atrocious behaviors when they were at home. Thanks for speaking the truth.
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Home almost 4 years with the first child we adopted and I can so relate to the gaping flesh wounds. I think finally the wound is healing, but it has been a long.hard.road. with many moments I am not proud of along the way. Truly God has showed me many times over how He must feel when we are so unlovable to Him yet He still reaches out and offers grace and mercy new every morning. I struggled alone for so long thinking there was something wrong with me until I finally found a support group for other adoptive moms. Thank you for posting this publicly. It is often such a relief to others just to know they are not alone when the rose colored glassed are snatched off and stomped to shards.
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Wow…just, wow. Thank you for saying exactly what I am thinking as I plaster a smile on my face as I hear for the I-can't-even-count-the-number-th time how amazing my husband and I are to be the living gospel to a child. I've learned that I have to pretend that we are as saintly as someone thinks (rather than showing the truth that we are drowning in doubt and fatigue), because people don't know how to react when I even show a glimpse of my crazy. I would not change a thing and love my daughters fiercely, but the parenting road of adoption is crazy-hard! I think this article should be required reading for adoptive parents. I feel like you've read my mind!
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Thank you so much for your honesty. I am an adoptive mom and will pray alongside all who are struggling in their families. Struggle comes in many forms as do blessings. Thankfully God deals uniquely and intimately with each of us. He loves. Your story is such an important word to any considering adoption and salve to those in it. Thank you so much and may God's blessings on you be richly apparent to you.
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I was oh so grateful for this post also!! Oh my….you said it SO well!!! How thankful we are for His grace every day!!! He is so faithful to His children! Praise His name….!! I will try and email you sometime!!:) blessings and thank you for boldly sharing!!LL
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This post made me incredible sad and angry. I have read this many times, and have written a response more times than I care to recite. As an adopted child, I could not disagree with you more, because what you described says something about me. I am not anymore broken than any other human being as I am made in God's image. I am not more of a sinner because my mother did not give birth to me. You may not have meant to say that, but you did. I have read this again and again I read you are hurting. You hurt for your child and your inability to erase the pain she has suffered without you there to protect her. You wish you could make her whole, but remember no one is truly whole without the Lord, no matter what our stories are. I will pray for your family and for healing grace.
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We adopted 6 children, and I have been where you are daily. It has been seven years, and I still think the unthinkable sometimes. I want so.badly to fix my children, but I can't. I catch myself just counting down the days until they turn 18. Heartbreaking.
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Beautifully written. Thank you for having the courage to love when it's hard and the strength of conviction to share this journey! We have two older children adopted one year ago. For one the change was much easier than the other even though they are biological siblings with the same upbringing and the same story. But God continues to change me too through this and I am beginning to see His purposes.
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this was pretty well written. As an adoptee i have struggled my whole life with sense of self worth and belonging. its not very often that the trauma of adoption is spotlighted. there will always be trauma even as a newborn, and has been swept under the rug and ignored in order to paint adoption as a beautiful thing for all involved, thank you for not giving up on this child, my heart breaks every time i read of a child being rehomed again because the family gives up.it only reinstills the message that you are unlovable and unworthy. some great reading to help you understand the adoptees side of things….the primal wound by nancy verrier, and adoption healing a path to recovery, by joe soll
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As many have said already… Thank you for saying how I feel and encouraging the rest of us.I am at a point (8 years in to it) and I feel hopeless. My child hates me and the world. It breaks my heart. Only God can surgically wash the wounds and start the healing process. I keep praying for it to happen…
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