I was browsing through some blogs today that left me with this strange feeling [accompanied by tears in my eyes on more than one occasion]. I couldn\’t tell what the feeling was at first but then it hit me. It was envy! But that didn\’t make sense at all because what I was reading was stories of people who gave it all up–possessions, family, comforts, everything–to serve others and, by doing so, to serve Christ.
So, how could I be envious? After all, envy is bad… right?
I looked up the definition.
en·vy [en-vee] – a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another\’s advantages, success, possessions, etc.
Then I was more confused. By definition, envy is discontentment or covetousness because of another\’s advantages, success, possessions, etc. but these people I was reading about had none of these things as we think of them. Like I said, they had given up it all up for the life they have now. A life of discomforts, trials, and heartache… but somehow they had joy.
Nevertheless the more I read, the more I had this feeling. It was this burning desire to have what they have but it made no sense. So, I looked up the definition of \”insane\” [because that\’s how the feeling was making me feel….]
in·sane [in-seyn] – in a state of mind that prevents normal perception, behavior, or social interaction; seriously mentally ill
Hm. That seemed a bit extreme.
So I kept reading. And reading. And then it hit me. I was envious. But it was a good kind of envy. I did want what they had. But I wanted it because of the Holy Spirit in side of me wanting to come alive with the joy that they have.
What did they have that I wanted, exactly? Zeal.
zeal [zeel] – fervor for a person, cause, or object; eager desire or endeavor; enthusiastic diligence; ardor.
Yep. That was it. I was envious for their zeal. A zeal that only the Holy Spirit can give. So I pray. I pray that God will give me that burning desire. That enthusiastic diligence… to give up everything–everything–for the cause of making Him famous.
Now, I dare you to check out these blogs and sites and not feel the same thing. Read their stories. Hear their faith. Be challenged.