Journal Entry: Brazil

January 4, 2011
Amazonas, Brazil

Just one more week in Brazil and I have mixed emotions. I\’m not really read to leave the country because I want to be here doing ministry, getting started at least. But at the same time, it will be nice to see family again and be home.

I\’m struggling with a lot of things but one of them is guilt over being \”comfortable\” but I don\’t mean complacent. I just mean the things that life brings that are just comfortable, like sleeping in your own bed, taking a warm shower, driving a car, having the freedom to just go. All of those things are comfortable and I almost feel a sense of guilt because I enjoy them, but doesn\’t God give us richly all things to enjoy? I think as long as those things don\’t become idols and I don\’t hold them so tightly that I can\’t let go, I should enjoy them thoroughly with a thankful heart.

If I gave someone a gift to enjoy, I wouldn\’t want them to feel guilty every time they enjoyed it, I just want them to enjoy and be grateful. I bet God is the same way.

Some thigs I\’ve learned on this trip:

The first two weeks are the hardest.
If I can have just a little bit of time to myself each day, I feel rejuvenated.
I don\’t spend nearly enough time alone with God.
I need self-discipline… like, really badly.
It is really exhausting being a parent, but totally worth it.
I do not want to be a controlling mom.
I need to listen to my kids and show them some immense love.
I don\’t pray nearly as much as I should.
Jungle ministry is slow at best. It could take years just to get in a tribe.
To serve Christ will inevitably include suffering for Him. That scares me.
I\’m no better than anyone else.
New cultures don\’t scare me, adapting to them does.
I\’m scared of awkward situations.
I need to do a better job of handling and expressing my emotions.
I have no idea why God chose me to be a missionary.